Hi
there, I'm Hashisheen the Shahid (martyr). I might be in the United States
right now, or on my way there, to make a statement--- in blood--- about
Yankee infidel pigdom.
Osama bin Laden and his friends have assured me that if I kill a lot of Yankee infidel pigs before I die, I will go directly to Paradise. Allah will reward me with the personal services of 72 beautiful virgins, and I really can't figure out why Mr. bin Laden and my other leaders haven't taken advantage of this offer themselves. Oh well, Allah moves in strange ways, especially in my version of Islam. [Not Mohammed's version: terrorism has nothing to do with genuine Islam.]
So you see, I'm not afraid to become a martyr for my cause, but I want to make international headlines when I do it. I don't want to become just another entry in the NRA American Rifleman's "Armed Citizen" feature. If you don't know what that is, it's a monthly report of incidents in which your country's responsible law-abiding citizens use firearms to stop or deter violent crimes.
I know that your police will show up and take me out as soon as they can but I can kill a lot of people even if I have only sixty seconds. Having an armed citizen send me to my one-on-one meeting with Allah before I can take out an entire school, church, hospital, city street, synagogue, mosque, public park, or shopping mall would be a real bummer for me.
I'm really lucky that many American politicians and organizations are pushing laws to disarm responsible American citizens who might hurt me or my fellow terrorists. I know they don't mean to help me, they want my leaders and me dead or in jail just as much as the next American does. Perhaps they think I won't shoot up that school if there's a law against my having a gun, or against bringing it into a gun-free school zone.* Or perhaps they don't think at all. Anyway, Mr. bin Laden and I would like to thank them for making our work so much easier and safer.