(Imagine the indicated actor/ actress saying these lines)

President George W. Bush: "So what do we know about Osama bin Laden's organization, Al Quaida?"

Michael Dorn as Commander Worf: "They are without honor."'

Jabba the Hutt: "They aren't even my kind of scum."

Bush: "What are we going to do about terrorists with boxcutters?"

Paul Hogan as Crocodile Dundee: "That ain't a knife, mate. THIS is a knife!"

Bush: "All right, what are we going to do about Al Quaida?"

Bill Pullman as President Whitmore in "Independence Day":  "Nuke 'em. Nuke the b*****ds."

Charlton Heston as Mark Antony in "Julius Caesar": "Cry 'havoc' and let slip the dogs of war!"

Lucy Lawless as Xena, Warrior Princess (in leather outfit, brandishing sword): "We're gonna kill them all!"

Bush: "Could you elaborate on how we should kill them all?"

George C. Scott as General George S. Patton Jr.: "We're not just going to shoot the b*****ds, we're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks!"

Bush: "Thank you, that makes it a lot clearer. Next..."
-------------------
(The following side discussion takes place during the rest of the briefing)
Xena: "'Cut out their living guts' I understand, but what's a tank?"
GSP: "Ah, let's see, Bronze Age Greek... Well, a tank is a self-propelled, heavily-armored chariot or wagon. It's armed with siege engines that Archimedes of Syracuse would have loved."
Xena: "Gotcha. Say, don't I know you from somewhere?"
GSP: "Could be. Did you know Achilles, Cyrus the Great, Hannibal, Julius Caesar, Attila the Hun, Leonidas of Sparta, Alexander the Great, Charles Martel, Charlemagne, Richard the Lionhearted, or El Cid?"
Xena: "Wait a minute, you're saying you knew all those guys? Didn't they live hundreds of years apart?"
GSP: "Knew them? I WAS them. The 20th century has its advantages, like tanks, but things were really a lot more fun in the sword-and-armor days." [See Through a Glass, Darkly, for more on Patton and reincarnation]
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Bush: "The militant 'Muslims' think that dying in battle assures them of a place in Paradise, with seventy-two virgins."

Patton again: "No b*****d ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor, dumb b*****d die for his country."

Bush: "Sounds like a win-win solution to me; they get what they want, and so do we. Now, Mr. bin Laden tends to evoke certain emotional responses in Americans."

Sylvester Stallone as Rambo (firing 30 caliber machine gun): "YAAARRRGGGHHHHH!"

Orson Welles as Macbeth: "Is this a dagger I see, the handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee."

Bush: "Al Quaida has threatened us with more violence..."

Mel Gibson as William Wallace: "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

Cloud William (of The Omega Glory, original Star Trek): "Freedom? That is a worship word. Yang worship. You will not speak it."

Bush: "We have to send a message to Osama bin Laden."

Clint Eastwood, as Detective Harry Callahan: "Look, punk, to me you're nothing but a piece of dog s***, and a lot of things can happen to dog s***. It can dry up and blow away. It can be stepped on and squashed. It can be scraped up with a shovel. So be careful where the dog s***s ya."

Sylvester Stallone as Detective Cobretti ("Cobra"): "You're the disease, I'm the cure."

Derek Jacobi, reading Homer's "Iliad" (as Achilles): "Come, friend, you too must die. Why moan about it so?"

Bush, "Yes, those are very appropriate messages for bin Laden. Now, once we kill him, what do we do with his body?"

Clint Eastwood as the Outlaw Josey Wales: "Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms." (Spits tobacco juice on bin Laden's corpse.)

Bush: "What happens if the bombing runs don't kill bin Laden?"

Kenneth Branagh as King Henry V: "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!"

Bush: "Yes, perseverence has its merits. Well, it looks like a pretty good plan, let's go with it. Now we have another issue: what to do about Iraq. Should we make speeches at the United Nations to get its approval?"

Eli Wallach as Tuco in "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" (blowing smoke from gun after shooting enemy): "If you have to shoot, shoot and don't talk."

Q: Why can the slowest Taliban fighter outrun the fastest Marine?
A: The ones who couldn't are dead or prisoners.

Q: What do you call an F-15 pilot who gets jumped by five Taliban airplanes?
A: Ace.

Native American (sadly): "Once we were many, now we are few."
Militant "Muslim" Taliban or Al Qaida (arrogantly): "Once we were few, now we are many."
Texan (drawling): "Well, pardner, that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Taliban yet."

The King of Saudi Arabia asked President Bush, "One of my many sons watches your 'Star Trek' show. He's upset because, while there are Blacks, women, Russians, and Scots in the episodes, there are never any Arabs. Why is that?"
President Bush whispered confidentially, "Because it takes place in the future."

Alternate explanation: militant Arabs cannot be in Star Trek due to the following:
(1) They can't be in Starfleet because, unlike the U.S. (which requires female Armed Forces personnel to wear veils when off base in Saudi Arabia), Starfleet does not require female personnel to wear humiliating body-covering garments.
(2) They can't be Vulcans because Vulcans are logical and rational.
(3) They can't be Romulans because Romulan culture requires personal courage.
(4) They can't be Klingons because Klingons despise anyone who is without honor.

Source unknown, but it's pretty good.
> 'Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave
> Not a creature was stirring; it felt like a grave.
> The turbans were hung by the firepit with care,
> in hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.
>
> The soldiers were restless without any beds,
> While visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
> Osama in his burkha and I in my goatskin cap,
> Had just settled down for a cold, barren winter's nap.
>
> When out on the ledge there arose such a clatter,
> I grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
> Away from the racket I ran like a girl,
> Tripped over a goat; into a ball I did curl.
>
> The moon shone down on the new-fallen snow
> And lit up the valley with an ominous glow,
> When, what to my one good eye should appear,
> But a dozen Apaches, and tanks in the rear.
>
> And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push,
> I knew in an instant it must be George Bush.
> More rapid than eagles his forces they came,
> And they whistled, and shouted, and called out our names
>
> "Now Omar! Osama! Muhammad! Abdul!
> We come for you now; we've taken Kabul!
> To the top of the cliffs! To the back of their caves!
> When you chose this war, you dug your own graves!"
>
> As the dry leaves that before the assault choppers fly,
> When they meet with an obstacle, light up the sky.
> So up to the ledge his forces they flew
> With full magazines, and flamethrowers too.
>
> And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a thud
> The explosions of Tomahawks; not one was a dud.
> As I chambered my rifle, and was turning around,
> Osama was there, disguised in a gown.
>
> He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes,
> And he said he would flee while I held off his foes.
> A bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack,
> He said "I'm going to Baghdad and I'm not looking back!"
>
> His eyes were all glassy; he trembled with fear,
> The American bombs, they rang in his ears.
> He saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled,
> But a Marine Corps sniper got him in the head.
>
> I watched with cold fear as his body did slump,
> The goat threw him off; he fell with a thump.
> And so, there I stood, my plans all destroyed,
> About to suffer a fate I could not avoid.
>
> I dropped to my knees; asked Allah for help,
> His voice boomed in my ears, "You ignorant whelp!
> I gave you the Bible, the Torah and Koran,
> But you were too arrogant to understand.
>
> I told you to honor your neighbors and wives,
> Not to enslave them, or degrade their lives!
> You invoke My name to sanction your deeds,
> But you are the last thing that this world needs.
>
> And so, I'll send you and bin Laden to Hell."
> The last words I heard, as the bombs fell,
> Were from George Bush himself as he mounted the wall,
> "One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all!"