There are good guys and bad guys.
Orcs = militant "Muslims."
Women and CHILDREN use weapons.
Freedom isn't free.
Good guys use violence.
Humor: what really happened at Helm's Deep.
Why the Left hates Lord of the Rings
- There are easily-identifiable good guys and bad guys, which is totally contrary to the Left's position of moral equivalence.
The Orcs in the movie version are a lot like militant "Muslims."
- To the Left, there is no difference between American
soldiers and Saddam Hussein's secret police, or between the Israeli
Defense Forces and Palestinian terrorists. Tolkien's Orcs, like
militant "Muslims," produce nothing but violence, pillage, and rapine
as opposed to the people of Rohan, who are shown growing food and
caring for their families.
- As a historical note, the Second World War doubtlessly
influenced Tolkien's writings about a cataclysmic struggle between good
and clearly identifiable evil (Hitler and Nazi Germany).
Women and CHILDREN use weapons to defend their lives and homes.
- They want to kill or enslave EVERYONE who is not an Orc.
The evil wizard Saruman (played quite well by Christopher Lee) gives a
Hitler speech from a balcony at the top of a huge minaret, I mean
tower, in which he orders his Orc minions to attack the people of Rohan
and kill them all: men, women, and children. The only thing missing is
Saruman sticking his right hand out and yelling "Sieg!" to which the
Orcs reply "Heil!"
- Saruman and his minion Wormtongue realize that the
convoy of Rohirrim that is going to Helm's Deep includes women and
children. This is an ideal target for attack by Orcs who ride giant
wolves. The women and children are saved, not by negotiation,
touchy-feely conflict resolution techniques, or singing "Kumbaya" but
by (drum roll...) VIOLENCE! The cavalry of Rohan does not even TRY to
talk with the Orcs and get them in touch with their inner selves but
attacks on sight with sword and lance!
- Next we see the women, children, and old men hiding in
terror in Helm's deep. The Orcs outside have been given direct orders
to kill all they find, regardless of age or sex. The same fate awaits
everyone in Gondor in the third movie, Return of the King.
- Orcs, like militant "Muslims," are into cutting off
heads. They throw the heads of slain Gondorian soldiers over the city's
wall in Return of the King.
- Orcs, like militant "Muslims," place no value on their own lives either.
- In The Two Towers, a Palestinian Orc does an
Olympic torch run into the explosives that the Orc sappers have put
under the wall of Helm's Deep. Like a Palestinian homicide bomber, the
Palestinian Orc blows himself up without a second thought. The Orcs who
placed the charges didn't care about their comrades either because
debris from the wall land in the middle of their army and inflict
dozens of casualties.
- The defenders are told quite rightly, "Show them no mercy for you will receive none."
- When no non-Orcs are around, the Orcs often kill each
other, just like militant "Muslims"-- maybe for being the wrong kind of
Orc (Sunni or Shiite, for example).
Freedom isn't free but the only things worse than war all come with defeat.
- King Theoden's niece Eowyn remarks quite rightly that
"the women of Rohan learned long ago that those who have no swords can
still die on them." I suspect this is where all members of the Million Mom March
(Donna Dees-Thomases, Hillary Clinton, Mary Leigh Blek, and so on)
shrieked in horror and walked out of the movie. (The Second Amendment
Sisters, of course, probably awarded Eowyn an honorary membership.)
- It is fortunate for the Million Mom March that they left
the movie at this point because, shortly afterward, TEENAGE BOYS are
being handed lethal weapons at Helm's Deep. Although this is totally
contrary to the Million Mom March's and Brady Campaign's position that
people under eighteen (twenty-one in some cases) should not be allowed
to own weapons, King Theoden had to do this because he had too few
able-bodied defenders for his stronghold. (The Orcs plan to slaughter
all the civilians if they break in.)
- Now here is a real wake-up call for the Million Moms
and perhaps Michael Moore as well, especially if they object to
programs that teach children and teenagers how to use guns. Those boys
at Helm's Deep were not handling swords for the first time in their
lives. A sword is a high-skill weapon and handing one to someone who
has never used one is little better than sending him out to be killed
as if he was unarmed. The boys of Rohan obviously played and practiced,
at least with wooden swords if not real ones, so they were able to use
the ones they were issued even if they lacked the strength of
The Good Guys do not hesitate to resolve conflicts with violence.
- When King Theoden leads his riders to lift the siege of
Gondor (a scene reminiscent of King John Sobieski's relief of Vienna in
1683, when Islamofascist Turks were trying to sack and loot the city),
none of his followers expects much chance of survival. One says, "We
can't win," to which the King replies, "We will fight them
nonetheless." Everyone is scared. The heroine Eowyn and her passenger,
the hobbit Merry, are terrified. However, the Orc pikemen are even more
scared and the audience knows it is all over for them when their
pikemen take their first step backward.* The Orcs are routed but the
price is high: King Theoden, who has already lost his son, is killed
and Eowyn is wounded.
- Later on, Aragorn is willing to sacrifice an entire army
(including himself) to divert the Orcs and give Frodo time to destroy
* The movie producers probably did some historical research on this. It
was a well-known rule of 16th-19th century warfare that cavalry could
not break an infantry formation that stood its ground. French
cuirassiers could not, for example, break the British squares at
Waterloo. If a few infantrymen, perhaps even only one, lost their nerve
and stepped out of the line of pikes and bayonets, however, the cavalry
could break into the formation and cut them to pieces. On the other
hand, the Roman Orcs at Helm's Deep (the ones with the large
rectangular shields) did not form a proper tortoise formation because
they left their left sides completely exposed to the archers on the
wall. This is probably where Julius Caesar and Scipio Africanus walked
out of the theatre...
- Recall how Sam Gamgee chops up several Orcs while
proclaiming, "That's for Frodo! That's for the Shire! And that's for my
old Gaffer!" The idea of a man (or hobbit) killing enemy soldiers to
protect his friend, country, and family is totally repulsive to the
Left but I liked that scene.
It is still my theory, however, that
Gandalf borrowed some Polish Husaria to defeat the Macedonian Orcs (the
ones with the long pikes) at Helm's Deep because those Orcs did not
seem to flinch at the cavalry charge. Poland's Winged Hussars were the
only cavalry with the training, tactical doctrine, and equipment (a
15-20 foot lance known as a kopia) that could break a pike formation even if the pikemen stood their ground. So here is what really happened:
Of course, all this was shown in only one frame-- about 1/30th of a second-- so most of the audience didn't see it. :^)
- Gandalf opened a magic portal between Helm's Deep and
Vienna (12 September 1683), when King Jan Sobieski was just finishing
off the Turkish besiegers. He then created an optical illusion in which
the White Hand of Isengard was transformed into Turkish crescents and
the Orcs' gutteral war cries were translated into Turkish.
- The winged hussars made the obvious assumption ("Look!
There are more of them!"), charged the Orcs ahead of the Riders of
Rohan, and broke the Orcs' front as they would have done to any other
pikemen. The Rohirrim followed and did the rest.
- The Poles, upon discovering that the strange-looking Turks
they had just killed had nothing of value to capture as prizes of war,
turned around and went back through the portal. "What kind of Turks are
these? There's not a single coffee bean, jeweled stirrup, or cannon
among them!" (Coffee was one of the prizes taken at Vienna and Jan
Sobieski captured the Grand Vizier's jeweled stirrup.)
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